ĆUTOLOG / Bogdan Petrović
*Ćutolog / A person of a few words in Serbian slang
To be free means to live on one’s own terms, without fears and the need to confess.
Personally, I realized in my early youth that I couldn’t be sinless, considering all that I planned to do, achieve and experience. Even then, I was aware that I would do very little in life according to the rules imposed by a conservative environment. At the same time, I decided not to justify myself to anyone for my mistakes because my God, the one I chose as the supreme judge by my own will, would always know my sins. Moreover thanks to my grandmother, who taught me some of the most important life lessons in my life, I grasped the concept of sin very early, because she learned me: You aren’t sinful if you don’t help someone, because you won’t always be able to. You are sinful only if you knowingly hurt someone.
Raised in this way, I decided to withdraw and step aside every time in my life if I see that I couldn’t be of help to someone, so as not to disturb them any further. To be present but unobtrusive, that’s my way of living. Following the same principle, I often chose to remain silent if I figured out that my words don’t help, educate, or reach the intended recipient. Whenever I can, and increasingly I am, I avoid engaging in trivial conversations or describing myself to anyone. Throughout my life, I strive for my actions to speak for me, and I have always believed that anything wise or beautiful doesn’t need to draw attention to itself. Probably, the reason behind my decision to talk little about myself in life and only with a few lies in that belief.
In an era of self-promotion, where the boundary between private and public has been erased thanks to social media concept of life, gossip and aimless commentary on everything and anything have become a common form of communication. My conscious decision is not to waste my words in vain, even if people consider me conceited and unsocial because of it. I openly admit that as I approach my forties, I neither have the time nor the energy to engage in trivial, tabloid topics or to converse with unintelligent individuals. Furthermore, I have no desire, especially no need, to explain my actions to others, reveal where and why I am going, with whom I am sleeping, who I am in love with, why I am often alone at home wearing only underwear or even more often not even them, what music I listen to, why I watch movies less and why I do most things, even though I don’t have to, only by myself…
Precisely when there is the greatest expectation for me to verbally describe or justify myself in society, I have decided to defiantly remain silent.
My silence is, first and foremost, a form of resistance born out of the desire not to participate in collective noise. If it is necessary to make a noise or be rude and uncultured so that my words could be heard, then I don’t want to speak themat all. The era of noise in which people have a tremendous need to shout, be loud, arrogant, and aggressive in their communication, as that is the only way they can hide their own voids, further leads to a place where conversations become meaningless and disrespectfull. Hate me beacuse of that if you want, but I don’t want to participate in that parade.
My silence is a defense of meaningful communication.
I am everywhere, but I try to be inconspicuous.
I don’t introduce myself, I let people get to know me by themselves, if they want.
Doroteo is the best of me and people I meet.
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